To be inside his mind...

Number one:

I am finally done; my ego has gotten the best of me. Bright eyes, lust, attraction...things that consume me and also others. My pride and vanity, well hidden even to myself. I attract, I obtain, then I let go. Out of spite, jealousy, or ignorance...they come back, But as soon as they go or make that move...I get angry, frustrated...I am sooo selfish. I deserve it all, I need to let go...and I will. I am an object of lust and obsession, I really don't think I want it any other way. "...and god gave me sex appeal..." one of my favorite quotes. As well as "scratch and scrape this heavenly body". That's how I am and feel; I am worthless otherwise. Attachment and emotion are not my thing. Use me, abuse me...that's the way I like it. I am the world's whore, as long as you have the time and the money.

Number two:

Take this in...
Stare helplessly, in anger, in betrayal...but we never part. We hate as much as love lets us. Take it in...on my bed...so dirty as the soul I wear. Used and abused, the walls scream many tales. The lining holds the DNA of past, present and fears for the future. I take in your disease; you feel my virus? Die with me.
How many more will submit to punishment?
I often ask myself daily...hourly...fuck this...every second flesh upon flesh...the bearing of one's soul, open like the whore's legs. I can feel you; understand you...does that scare you? I often laugh at the fact that, I know you better than you know yourself. I am you...I absorb you...take you in...as you take this in.
My Love...
As I make your feel this love...this love like a touch, a grace of god...this embodiment of flesh...scratch and scrape this heavenly body..."every inch of willing skin".
Victim...
You? Fuck you! Me; more like I was one. I was led...misunderstood me...wished for more, you asked for it...I gave into temptation. You brought this upon me...could I want more? Do I sit here now dwelling on this? If not, why would I be writing?  Who am I anyway? Who did this to me? Could I dare blame anyone, but myself? Don't ask me; I don't know...nor should you care.

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Oh my darling...in such twisted ways, your mind works. I should have taken it all as a warning. I think I did and just ignored it. Maybe they weren't loud enough. What the fuck is wrong with me?! Reading them...only made me more intrigued...I think. You so boldly put yourself out there, leading each of us to believe you to be so damaged, but honest...and real. Simply selfish; admittedly so. Lie right through your teeth, even after you're caught, to harness that selfishness. So much truth in the names your bury your sin in...my Fallen Angyl. Some say you're foolish. I say you are simply and ingenious mastermind. Manipulating the putty in your hands, to form your slaves. Even the clever ones, as knowing as I, submit themselves to you. I have. At times, I still desire to...but I am smarter than you...I will not die with you.

The truth in black and white, finally. Damn you. No, me. I should have known. I think I did know. Self loathing...I want to come back so badly...but I cannot indulge myself in you. "An object of lust and obsession"....couldn't be more true. I swore you showed me more though. I'm sure they did too. Like a game maybe...which one of us wins? ...or loses for that matter? Just lust. Lust wins and ruins. Still...I can't help but feel that somewhere inside of you, beneath all the wreckage of the damage....there is a genuine soul. Delicate. Hiding. How I wish I'd been graced by your introduction before then.

Our arrangement was so simplistic...all you had to do was tell the truth. Frustrated now, as you always are, when the truth finds you. Let the wounds scab over. Heal. Head first. Maybe then you'll change your mind. For, unveiled masses of skin in the twilight, will never fill the void in your life. Trust me...I know.

...I could have.

This is my rant...my rage. It may never come across your sight. If it does, you'll likely not care.
...Maybe I should arrange it so.  Closure? Maybe.