Friday night: you hang out with your husband and his work crew. Besides yourselves, there's 2 white women, 2 white men, and 4 black men. You have a crazy fun time. Drinking and talking all night. Colors usually don't matter, because you really don't see things that way. Here, it matters though, because there's a point to be made. Things you know exist, but never experience, are talked about. It hurts your heart. A lot. Not because you feel empathetic. You can't, you've never feared what they fear. You're sympathetic. A black man's fear of being shot, because he was pulled over for a simple traffic violation, can be compared to a woman's fear of being raped, because she was walking home alone at night.
Two different things causing the fear. Two different fates...but fear, nonetheless. Fear that makes you put your license on the dashboard, crack your window, and never take your hands off the steering wheel. If the cop wants something else, you tell him where it is, ask that he removes you from the car, restrain you, and get it himself. That way, there's no mistake made that you're anything, but compliant to his orders. Fear that makes you put on a jacket over your lower cut shirt, and zip it up all the way. Park as close to your destination, as possible. Try to avoid walking alone, but if you have to, you make sure your keys are between the knuckles of one hand, and your phone is in the other.
Now, I can kind of relate to something that was unrelatable. I'm not afraid of a man. I'm afraid of a rapist. He's not afraid of a white cop. He's afraid of a racist.
I have moments like that, in my life so often that I find it odd, others don't. I have transgender people in my life. Another situation, I've never been able to relate to. That's not to say, I don't respect it. I do. (Side note: I will never use the term, accept. Who the hell am I, to accept anything about anyone. They don't need my approval.) One day one of my friends said, "Yeah, I can't just walk out of the house in a ponytail, no make-up and yoga pants. If I do that, I'm a boy." Then, it smacked me in the face. They have my utmost respect, love, and support. Even my sympathy, when they're feeling down for reasons I can't understand. But that. That thing she just said. That put me in her shoes, for a split second. When I leave the house to do errands, looking like a hoooooot mess, that's all I am. I'm just a female that gave no fucks about her appearance today. I'm not going to be ridiculed, or told I'm using the wrong bathroom. That really sucks. Who wants to put on a dress, with full hair and makeup every single day?! Not me, that's for damn sure.
Now I can kind of relate to something that was unrelatable. She's just a girl. So I am. BUT I don't have to TRY.
Monday morning: you wake up to another mass shooting. At a concert. Something that is your greatest past time. So far, 58 dead and over 500 injured. The suspect was a white male, and it is not believed that he was affiliated with any international terrorist groups. However, he is a terrorist. A white man in America, that injured or killed over 500 concert goers, is a terrorist. That's god damn terrifying.
That doesn't mean I'm afraid of white males. I'm afraid of terrorists. I'm afraid of mentally ill people that go untreated, and are therefore, unstable. I'm afraid of people not learning from mistakes and past occurrences. I'm afraid, because you can't trust everyone, and so many people blindly trust everyone, but never when it matters. I'm afraid that no matter how many security measures we put in place, more of the same come to be.
So many people only see black or white anymore. And no, not races. Sides. Extremes. Where is the gray? We all have something we're afraid of. Fear, unfortunately, drives many of our thought processes, decisions, and actions. The key is, not to let the fear breed hate. I know...cliche. Seriously though, it's cliche for a reason. People fear most: what they do not understand, and what they fear in themselves.
I wish everyone would take more time to self evaluate. To be comfortable with who they are, and be able to accept their flaws. If a flaw is unacceptable, I wish they'd work to fix it. No one is perfect. Those that try to hide their imperfections, are usually the ones to point others' out. I wish people would be open to learning about differences between others and themselves, versus tormenting them. I wish people would be more eager to teach the misinformed, versus getting angry, because they are under attack. I wish people slowed down, to think things through, before they speak and act. I wish soapboxes and bandwagons, were replaced with listening, learning and change. I wish, overall, people were just kinder.
We are in a full state of aggression and regression. Maybe that is our common fear. Perception. All of it, and probably that first line, as well. It's likely not much different than it has been, for the past few decades. It's just in our faces now, and at our finger tips.
Maybe we could just try? Maybe we could change it? Maybe we're looking at it all wrong? "Get out from behind the screen!" Well, yes, absolutely. I fully agree, we need more time away. However, we have a platform to reach the masses now, like we have never had before. Maybe we take a queue, from those taking a knee? Instead of being pissed....being pissed that people are pissed....or being pissed because everyone is arguing? Maybe instead, we try to understand it, learn from it, do the same for something we believe in? Or, at the very least, not be offended by something that doesn't directly affect us. Negativity, hate, and fear. Is that really how we want to make our mark on the world?
....If wishes were fishes, right?
