Lesson Learned

          The papers were signed that day; close to two years after I walked out. It was the best decision I ever made. It was the shock...of the sympathy felt, rather than the highly anticipated celebration. More like a funeral, than a party. Certainly, not a doubt. Merely a reflection, as I laid it to rest. I had long since grieved the lost investment of a failed marriage, and the acceptance of being alone. I've always been the type of person that wears their scars exposed, with pride. Each scar is a lesson learned and a battle fought.

Oddly, I have a special appreciation for this one. The ugliest and most visible one. The last lesson in self actualization and self worth. Ridding the toxicity, to find a better me. Learning how to be happy alone, and love myself again. I don't believe for a second, that any of it was anything but, exactly what it was meant to be. Demolition; to make way for a perfect foundation with a smooth, paved path. One which led me right into the arms of a man, whom within, I found everything I've been searching for. Only then, did I realize this: stumbling upon a destination, without the journey, is like being told the answer to a question you've never asked. In that moment, everything made sense. I've never been so thankful for a lesson learned. 

7 Appeals to Moms from Women Without Children

This was an awesome read. Coincidental, as I just had a mini "dinks" conversation. I love my daughter A TON, wouldn't trade her for the world and I feel like I'm a damn good mom. I feel like I've managed to keep a balance of being a good mom and still being an individual, as well. "The grass is always greener...." right?

There is nothing wrong with living your life for you, as much as there is nothing wrong with living your life for your kids. I'm just always the eclectic asshole, that tries to do both. I will never withhold from my daughter, so that I may have more. Her needs and wants will always come first and I'll go without, if need be. However, I'll sure as hell work harder so that we both can have as much as possible out of life. She knows she's number one, but she also knows mommy is a human being and an individual too.

Antares

Eyes like a house without windows
Lips like a vault without a combo
Removed, reserved, recondite…
Completely locked down
No one gets in and no one gets out

Eyes like a child scorned
Lips like wildfire, ready to burn
Damaged, defensive, destructive…
Outrageous like a talent
If it goes down, everything’s going with it

We were short, sweet and simple
Scared, cynical and superficial
There was no need to commit
It was…just the way we needed it

There were lies in your eyes I didn’t want to hear
While the truths in mine, flooded me with fear
That sixth sense in my chest, told me to run
So I ran until we were done

No bad blood, but it still hurt like hell
I didn’t, but I almost severely fell

You took her; I took him
We built separate lives on a whim
They filled up our voids with toxicity
Taught us everything love should never be
Years spent trying to make the wrong things right
Eventually, we each gave up the fight

I left him; you left her
And then there you were
From the back of my mind
To right before my eyes
And still just as handsome as ever
Of course, I played it up like I didn’t care

That’s always the first line of defense
Biding time to find an air of reality in the pretense
Circumstances and denial
Kept it at bay for quite awhile

Fact is, I was undeniably being drawn in
By the exact thing that told me to run back then
As much as it was, it wasn’t at all the same
There was a different end game within its aim
A pervasive play begging me to stay
Even if I wanted to, it wouldn’t let me run away

Let’s test the waters then shall we
Come, sit down by the fire with me
Hours and hours passed like minutes
It was comfortable, complex, and candid
We found ourselves lost on a highbrow highway
As everyone else in the background just faded away

You sealed my fate before sunrise
With a kiss on my lips and truths in your eyes
The depths in which you swim with me, blow my mind
Connecting on every level as if it were a devised design
You compliment or challenge every aspect of my soul’s very core
You are the epitome of the love I’ve been waiting for and more

How lucky I feel; how thankful I am
To meet the love of my life…again
To be given another chance that night
To fall for you when our time was right

Inspiration...

KEEP. WRITING.

Ernest Hemingway: "All you have to do is write one true sentence. Write the truest sentence that you know.”

Isabel Allende: "Write what should not be forgotten."

Mark Twain: "Write without pay until somebody offers to pay."

Neil Gaiman: "Remember: when people tell you something’s wrong or doesn’t work for them, they are almost always right. When they tell you exactly what they think is wrong and how to fix it, they are almost always wrong."

Tina Fey: "It's a great lesson about not being too precious about your writing. You have to try your hardest to be at the top of your game and improve every joke you can until the last possible second, and then you have to let it go. You can't be that kid standing at the top of the waterslide, overthinking it...You have to let people see what you wrote."

S.M. Blooding: "It's okay to write crap. Just don't try publishing while it's still crap."

Sandra Brown: "You can only write by putting words on paper one at a time."

Raymond Chandler: "When in doubt, have a man come through the door with a gun in his hand."

Stephen King: "Writing isn't about making money, getting famous, getting dates, getting laid, or making friends. In the end it's about enriching the lives of those who will read your work, and enriching your own life as well. It's about getting up, getting well, and getting over. Getting happy, okay? Getting happy. ...this book...is a permission slip: you can, you should, and if you're brave enough to start, you will. Writing is magic, as much the water of life as any other creative art. The water is free. So drink. Drink and be filled up."


Source: anomalously-written

"People hate most in others, what they fear in themselves...."

Try making friends with your demons, instead of forcing them to hide. Maybe then, you wouldn't hate me, so much for mine. I control my demons; the don't control me.

I am open.

I am free.