Unfinished, but Finished

You told me I never loved you
Simply because I went away
That couldn’t possibly be more untrue
I know I loved you
Because for far too long, I stayed

…..Just the beginning of a new piece. I missed you tonight for the first time in many months. I’m not sure why….human nature….I suppose. I think a broken bond with anyone leaves us all a little empty and broken. I pushed every emotion so far away as not to give back in…. it was bound to hit me eventually. I’ll still never go back. Only forward without you….
….I haven’t the heart to finish this tonight.

Old Hat

The looking glass exhibits apparitions in her eyes
Distant portraits of those that haunt her heart
Permanently painted inside of her mind
Forced out by reflection in seclusion
Reminiscent notions leave her hollow
And searching through the conclusions
Looking for failure’s explanation
Which, she fears she’ll never find
The memories are for keeps
They remain close to her soul and are bittersweet
With a smile on her face and her head hung low, she weeps
Tears for every ache; the should have, the could have and did
For every broken heart not her own and the ones that hid
She is sentimental and delicate, yet cynical and calloused
The fortress in which she hides is desolate, but safe
Locked away, restrained by her own devices
The loneliness causes a panic in her chest
She tries to rest, but is heavy hearted
Brooding over lovers current and departed
So desperate to be more than just adored
To find everything she’s been looking for
She sees through rose colored glasses
When one stands out from the masses
And there is always just that one
Who will pull the thread and watch her come undone
It’s like a gunshot to the head when the seams tear
In that moment, she lies lifeless and bare
Every time, her strength breathes life into her lungs
She gets up and undoes the undone
She wears the exit wound scars like armor
But often she is too quick to lay down her weapon
Her involvement with anyone…anymore…is bipolar
And she is anything but complacent…now and likely…forevermore

Inked

It wasn't a choose your own adventure book. You couldn't cheat by going back, to select a different choice. It was not written in pencil; you couldn't erase the mistakes, then pretend they never happened. It is a novel, covered in ink and published for the public. Anyone reading the story, knew how it would end. It was all there, in the foreshadows. Anyone passing it along, is only telling a folklore version. Only the writers know it's fact and fiction. Everything else is perception. Everything else is what we want you to think.

Amour Brisé

Shining platinum band
Outstretched by his hand
Diamond encrusted and marquise cut
…Apprehensive somewhat
Convinced I never wanted this
A love fit for timeless bliss, didn’t exist
Blinded by the look of love in his eyes
I took flight, soaring through the skies
Swept up in a romanticized dream
Perceived things only as they seemed
The most sacred symbol of a love so true
Placed upon my finger with the words “I do”
He promised to love, honor and cherish me for life
I promised to do the same as I vowed to be his wife
The ring, a circle, with no beginning and no end
To embody eternity with the ideal that love shall transcend
My ring once beautiful and whole
In disrepair now…broken banded, dull and missing stones
Coincidental…symbolic…ironic…
When this chapter’s end is catastrophic

We ran before we walked
We kissed before we talked
High on notions of love at first sight
When you know, you know and it’s just right
Head first into the abyss we dove
Entangled like flies in the lies we wove
Trust thrown out the window quick
We never had a chance without it
A roller coaster of highs, but mostly lows
Feeling suffocated and disillusioned by woes
Every day another fight
Followed by another sleepless night
Vile words from his lips to my ears
Acting out to escape his fears
Jealousy and passive aggressive forms of control
Knock down, drag out; the only way we’ve ever known
Broken beginnings lead to tragic ends
Sometimes, some things are just too broken to mend

Love is but a selfish need
When you only make your lover bleed
No longer will I be chastised by the lies
Nor will I paralyze our demise
Enough is enough and I’ve had my fill
I can’t go on, I haven’t the will
For this is not what love is supposed to be
Fighting constantly to live together in harmony
I’ve begged and I’ve pleaded and waited
Oh how I’ve waited
Too much resentment now, far too jaded
Apologies and promises of change
Have no effect on those estranged
An invention of truth, a desperate attempt
When it is the only option one has left
I was the rock, now smashed to pieces
I can’t stay to just console his grievances
I loved him through his darkest moments
I forgave him every time he begged for atonement
I’ve done everything I could possibly do
And still it wasn’t enough to break through

The ring feels phantom still
And for a while, it probably will
But how much longer was I to go on
Searching through the dark to find my dawn

THAT guy...

There is nothing more annoying than pretentious, malevolent people that manage to come out of every situation looking sensible, genuine and even celestial. It is unfortunate that the vast majority can't see through them......especially when the transparency is so apparent.

Disgusted

Wow! Attention idiots that STILL protest outside of Planned Parenthood:  1. It's 2011 and you still haven't won this fight. Don't you think it's time to let it go?  2. Decades have passed and you're STILL uneducated. Girls and women attend for more reasons than to just have an abortion. They offer a variety of HEALTHCARE services for a fraction of what hospitals charge. It's pretty great if you're uninsured.  3. I'd love to know what skeletons you have locked up in your closets, that are so terrifying, you have to spend your Saturdays telling other people they are going to hell.

I'm going to hell? I had a procedure to monitor for cervical cancer because I am uninsured. You're lucky you're 60 and I have self control....

A Game of Hearts

Come in

Sit down

Don’t leave

Roll up your sleeves

We’re going to play a game

Free of claim

Blunder and blame

We’ll have a blast

And some laughs

Share the lust and ease

While making our memories

A little affection

To alleviate the isolation

When it ends

We’ll remain friends

Now, here’s the fun part

So, listen up

The game continues on

For far too long

I’ll grow close to you

You’ll push away when I do

I’ll realize the way we are

Is exactly what I’m looking for

I’ll get lost in your eyes

Fixating on what you deny

I’ll speak openly

When your lips freeze

I’ll raise the stakes and strive

To make visible what you hide

Many talks of pulling the reigns

Giving into us time and time again

I will fall

While you stall

I will break

And make you quake

The sad part

I feel it in my heart

I see it in your eyes

Still you hide

The buzzing in my ears

They tell me your fears

They speak what you speak

But not to me

It was real and unrestricted

Variant and explicit

What a goddamn shame

It could have been great

You’ll never let it be

Never give into me

Forced to let it go

Can’t hold onto hope

Unclench my grip

And let you slip

I’m just so displaced

I try to replace your face

With his lips

And hers

With her hips

And his

Senseless kiss

After senseless kiss

It’s still your lips I miss

And so, you sit at the bottom

Of every last bottle

As I sip the last drip

Trying to forget

I need my fix

No saving grace

Lust to taste

Few words it takes

To shatter my strength

I can’t

I can’t be yours to break

Stay strong

Even if it’s wrong

Even if it feels fake

It will eventually dissipate

Stripped

Undertones are heavily weighted
Beneath every word so jaded
Can't quite pinpoint it
But there is a bit left implicit
Rethinking the feeling?
Misled or misreading?
Thought to be in tune
Not misconstrued
By the dispute
With confusion and repute
Stretched out and exposed
Nothing more to disclose
Left to decipher what little is shown
Underneath cloaks of the unknown
This is unjust
This is a must
Remove the sheaths
Reveal or release

Heroin Whore

Lovesick bitch
Always ready to split
Pure once, before she was broken and worn
Tattered and torn, she continues to transform
Swallowing the souls of those who care
Indulging in the drug the wicked ones bare
Stone cold safeguard, the illusion of strength
Take her and rape her but stay at arm's length.

 
The junkie
The junkie
The junkie is me.

 
Meth head
Alone in her bed
The world is sleeping, but
She's staring at the ceiling
Bleeding brain
Adrenaline veins
Fight or flight?
Fight it tonight.

 
The junkie
The junkie
The junkie is me.

 
Heroin whore
Looking to score
The drug is free
When the junkie's on its knees
Who will invest in the habit
When they already have it?
Scabbed needle stick scars
Do you know who you are?

 
The junkie
The junkie
The junkie is me.

Crossing Continuums

Every damn time
I feel it
Wish I could stop it.
My heart flying…
Fleeing…
Breaking out…
Shattering the ribs.
On the brink
Leaving a sick
Sinking…
Hollow feeling…
In the gut.


Every damn word
I see it
Wish I could block it.
My mind racing…
Fearing…
Falling…
Invading the ventricles.
In a daze
Leaving a sense
Of  seclusion…
Confusion…
And envy…
In the core.


An ill craving…
Feed the fiend
All the same
In different strides.
The parody…
I'm the junkie
I do it to myself
All the time.