Growth

On this day, three years ago: I quit. I quit holding on to the resentment. I quit letting others determine my worth. I quit focusing on what was out of my control. I quit blaming myself. I quit believing I wasn't worthy of love. I quit pretending I was too badass, to desire it. I quit settling to fill the void. I quit lying to myself. I quit my path of self destruction.

In the following months: I forgave others. I let go. I built myself back up. I discovered my worth. I focused on being a better person. I opened up and took chances. I dipped the minute someone showed an ounce of deceit or uncertainty. I was honest with myself. I learned to love myself again. I became comfortable being alone. I forgave myself. I was happy.

By October, I found myself in love. Not in lust. Not infatuated. Love. A happy, healthy, equal partnership. The type of love I've always desired. A love I used to think I didn't deserve, and would never find. Moreover, in love with someone that I was with previously. Someone that, inadvertently, bruised my ego once before.

Without the aforementioned soul searching, I would have passed up this opportunity. I would have scoffed and remained guarded. Hell, maybe he wouldn't have even given me a second glance. Being an emotional badass, really isn't all that appealing. It's a poor defense mechanism. One that I'm thrilled, I laid to rest. More recently, I finally grew a pair. I asked for forgiveness, for my own indiscretions. The cherry on top.

I'm happy. Like, TRULY happy. Happier than I think I've ever been. I'm confident, moving forward with him, to build our lives together. I honestly believe, I would have missed out, had I not first learned to love myself.