Justice Prevails

Hmmm...do you feel it now?
Can you taste me on your lips?
Imagine my hair within your grip?
Dying to slip in between my hips?
Awe, what's the matter love?
Waiting ever so patiently
By the phone
Just for me?
Can't bare it?
Can't stand it?
Must pick up the phone
and dial my number?
Do your ears burn
When you hear my lack of concern?
Can't fathom the thought
Of my world being perfectly in order?
That I am capable of living
Without you?
Can't stand it?
Can't bare it any longer?
My attention
Affection
Avocations
Don't surround you.
Far too much time
Determination
And fortitude spent
Detaching from you.
I've reached the peak
Of my scale.
Waltzing in, you think
You can shake me down.
What is it you seek?
To always be sought?
I believe that may be.
For when your claws
Envelope and one
Begins to care
With flat palms and a blank stare
You dismiss what you hold dear.
To obtain the unobtainable.
The forbidden desire.
The closest you'll ever near me again.
Finally, I stick true to the
Proclamations I made.
Many people pine for
What they cannot have.
I was there.
Now you are.

Selfrighteous Vengeance

Hateful shell.
Broken inside.
This is my hell.
Just let me fucking die.
Frost bitten heart.
The beating has ceased.
I've caught on...got smart.
Now, I'll bring them all to their knees.
I don't want to feel.
Don't want to speak.
I just want to heal.
Rise above the weak.


I'm on the brink of the rock's face.
Below me, the fiery trenches await.
I'm falling faster than time can chase.
This is my destiny, my fate...there is no escape.
To hell with love and all it stands for.
Love is just as cheap as talk these days.
To hell with the worthless ones whom knock upon my door.
Each man is the same simplistic maze anyway.
One by one, they've taken their turns.
They beat me bloody until I couldn’t bleed anymore.
Insignificant little boys...they must learn.
The blood will seep now, from their filthy pores. 

Hideously Beautiful

March 18, 2003

Three hours plus, into this day, home now from our "visit".

Oh, how the midnight shadows fell upon his face, so exquisite.
Toxic hearts as open as my legs wrapped tightly around his form.
I laid in the comfort of ten million feathered pillows, unadorned.
Daggers fell from the walls with distinct intent...to be intimate...with my flesh.
His warmth inside me, flawlessly, repeatedly into me...enmeshed.
Tonight, I designed my own death...murderous weapons of lust...I disengaged.
Upon this encounter, I pained the beating of broken hearts enraged.
Unlike the soulless icy pleasures of yesterdays, blood ran hot, through my veins.
Flames inside my chest, a slight pulsating...revitalized from my own disdain.
From his eyes, I cannot hide...he will be the end of me, I cannot abide.
I do not want this, not like this...for it will end with a letter of suicide.
For my thoughts already captured by his innate beauty.
I center my attention about him as if he were an artless deity.
Thoughts, rhythms and rhymes jumbled in my head.
I cannot comprehend that of which has been unsaid.
Lucid dreams of reality exclude the slightest impossibilities.
Within my mind...I find mystified visions of fantasy...he has consumed my sanity.
I lay in bed now, dying to know...to know the secrets he hides inside.
Scratching the walls and biting my nails, attempting to decipher truth from lies.
The time is near...and so I fear...I will come to find my uncertainties ring true.
Make it quick...so that I can get...over it...before my logic fades and desires accrue.

March 24, 2003

7:51 in the morning now, home from the club and still awake.

Ah tonight...tonight the masquerade came to a deafening end...exposing you as fake.
Thought you could inch your way into my mind and blind me from the truth.
Have your way with me...use me...abuse me...until you were through.
Thought you could wrap your charming chains around my throat.
Make me your slave like those before me you have choked.
Far too close you came, my dear...but my intellect transcends your own.
You hide behind elaborate, pretentious cloaks…those of which cannot be condoned.
Foolish man…assumed you slaughtered me with a single stroke of the sword you drew.
I have freed myself from you...there are more...there is better...I do not need you.
You have climbed far too high upon that pedestal of yours, darling.
Descend now, for you will have thy own hand to blame for your imperial falling.
Show me no pity, for I would have given you every last diamond in the sky.
Been your savior...the one to heal your wounds, answer your cries...give you wings to fly.
Rid your heart of cold; remind you of love, lift you up...make life less intolerable.
My beloved...you are so divinely wicked...despicable, yet beyond admirable.
Visions of you brand themselves on my brain…spoken words still embedded within in my head.
I wish you away...could I only cast you out...but inside me, you will live, even after my blood is shed.
I cannot force fault upon anyone but myself, for I had already figured you out.
I envisioned this...my heart gorged from my chest...upon the floor...bleeding about.
Oh, my fiendish Lucifer, you stole my soul, leaving me as bleak and bitter as you.
The scrapes are scabbing over, but the scars will remain forever...tattooed.