Bits of it sit like a brick on my chest. That’s just the kind of person I am. Romanticism in every pore. Sentiments are everything. They’ve always been.
It is not until I’m pushed to the brink, teetering, and staring down at the lifeless land below….that I finally push back. Push and run. Push right past the one backing me into the dead end.
“Never look back.” I always do, but never as I’m running. Not until I’m far enough away, so no one sees. You’ll never see me think twice when it comes down to this. You’ll never see me cry. You’ll never know the things I miss after I say goodbye.
Burn me once, twice…ten times, shame on me, finally. Maybe it’s because I’m hopeful. Maybe I put too much faith in people. I see the good…or…want to. I expect the light to beat the dark. Comic book heroes and fairytale love affairs. That’s what we’ve been taught our entire lives. Unrealistic expectations.
“You’re so strong.” Strength does not come without a price. Mine is that of a widower. It is painful to let go, but holding on is pure torture. So, I let it all go. I let you go. I let your inabilities and apathy go. I let my insecurities and resentment go. And when you cross my mind, I will not think of what led me here…what could have been…what should have been. I will only think of what was and smile through the tears. I’ll find peace in knowing I loved myself enough to walk away, when you didn’t love me at all.
I am consoled by the notion of opening myself up to finding someone else that will.
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