I’ve been forced to be strong, my entire life. I’m quite proud of who it has made me, actually. However, it leaves me lonely. A strong, smart woman, with a ton of life experience…makes for a very, very real, reality. It makes happiness and satisfaction in love, difficult. It makes “all or nothing” the only option. It makes each decision, an analytical escapade. It makes for a heavy heart, with each bond that has fallen apart.
So, I remain within the void…in the black hole purgatory. I smile and laugh, when I want to cry. I go out and keep busy, when I don’t want to get out of my bed. I make a happy memory, when I am incredibly sad. I dive deep into another’s ocean, while they wade in my shallow end. I walk away calmly, when I know I’m being played for a fool. My mind is beautiful, but torturous.
Therefore, if I fall weak in your arms, if you have to wipe away tears, or console me…you should know…you have me. You have all of me…every little bit…even the parts I don’t like. Vulnerability is not my strong point, but I sure would love to be free of this armor, indefinitely. I just can’t. Not until I have that one person fully and them, me. It just so happens, the instances in which that has happened, we were on completely different timelines.
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