Me Vs. Me

So close. Always so close....to getting away....letting go....forgetting. Sucked back in like a black hole....there is no escape. Strong will....he steals. A game of lust and loathing....it's a mind trip. Step carefully....I tell myself....can't slip. Put to death all emotions before they grow....keep the heart cold. Keep in mind....he'll break you down....if you stick around. Admit it....he means more to you. More than you wish him to....than you claim him to be. Your skin may be thick like leather....but inside you are lace. Why set yourself up for failure....disappointment.....heartache? All is true....but I told you...I can't....I can't escape. Something....somehow....always drags me back into his embrace. My mind is intact....I'll be fine....don't worry....just get off my back. Your mind may be tactful dear....but just remember....the brain has no voice when the heart speaks. My apologies....for being so harsh...so bold. For....I wish not to upset you. But my dear....you are falling....falling in love....with the devil....and my god....he will consume your soul. 

Foolish Reveries

Lay with me in the meadows, by the countryside.
Grace my ears with your soothing lullabies.
Read to me while I rest, encased in the warmth of your limbs.
Take me unto the tale, far from all things grim.
Entwine your fingers with mine and pull me from this darkness.
Force me to see, not all that spins outside my world is monstrous.
Eradicate the gruesome entity that has infested my mortal scraps.
Rescue me from the blood lusting wolves and their rock-strewn traps.

Sit with me in the thick smog, near the fireside.
Stare into me amorously, entrancing me with your eyes.
Articulate not a single word; allow only your heart to speak out.
Pledge not one promise; permit time to disprove my doubts.
Explore and discover every aspect of my intricate, internal self.
Hold my hand up to your chest, to sense heartbeats felt for no one else.
Reveal yourself to me entirely; hide not in the shadows of this night.
Delicately revive the thumping of my heart...out of purity...not in spite.

Take me to your elite scene of solitude, by the lakeside.
Make us lost in the grains of sand, under the lifeless sky.
Place your hand upon my face and subtle kisses upon my lips.
Brush over my skin with the lightness of your fingertips.
Toast to an eternal life lived together in truth, love, and pleasure.
Drink with me the celebratory wine, red as ruby treasures.
Forever express your love, not through idioms, but actions.
Walk with me in this fantasy and we shall find undying satisfaction.


…Hope slowly fades to ethereal illusions before my eyes.
…I'm beginning to believe your existence is merely my mind's lie.

Advocating Sin

Come here dear.
I won't say please.
Bow before me.
Beg for it...on your knees.
Pin me down now.
Push your lust inside.
Pull my hair.
Tell me your fairy tale lies.
Drag your nails down my back.
Sink your teeth into my neck.
Do it! I won't be an emotional wreck.
For, there are no emotions left.
You think I'll fall for you again?
I won't fall...I'll break you before I fall.
I'll take everything you have.
Knock you down, just to watch you crawl.
You think you can manipulate me?
Creep into my mind and fuck it?
Give it your best shot darling.
You won't get away with that shit.
You want to misuse me baby?
Don't put forth much effort...I'll allow you to.
This time around, I'm in control.
And I'm playing you for the fool. 

Whipping Boy

I stood at his front door last night.
Under the sky's silver eye.
Drenched in the cries of Heaven
My tears had room to hide.
In a time of retribution and desperation...
Swarming with disarray and no care for consequence...
Wanting no longer to be alone...
I drank my pride and knocked upon his foyer.

"My dearest Tempter, I've returned.
I submit to you now; tainted heart in bloody palm.
I am finished, I am through.
Condemned love to hell along with myself and you.
The lesson has already been taught.
I accepted the shallow waters we wade in long ago.
I ask you simply to lay me down, so that I may feel.
Feel desirable...feel alive...and most of all to know I'm still human."

A nightmare...being back there.
Never thought I'd revisit.
Misery surrounded us like starved mosquitoes
Sucking dry our bones, just for a reminiscent taste.
Scorched by his flame one too many times
Now blazing together in chorus.
Last night an intense rendezvous with Satan
Today an induction into the realm of wicked decadence.

Caution

Wide eyed
You looked at me.
Truly amazed
You said to be.
Pretty pictures
Painted in gray.
Promising hope
For a better day.
Twisting, twirling
Thoughts in my head.
Spinning, swirling
Words that you said.
False truth
You then claimed.
Sincere apologies
uttered in shame.
My forgiveness
I gave to you.
Another chance
If only you'll be true.
Lying tongues
No longer tolerated.
Never again
Will I be dominated.
Brittle bones
I may crack.
True trust
I still lack.
Tread lightly
approach with care.
Another disaster
I cannot possibly bear.
Please wait.
The barriers will crash down.
Have patience
My heart will come around.

Selfrighteous Vengeance

Hateful shell.
Broken inside.
This is my hell.
Just let me fucking die.
Frost bitten heart.
The beating has ceased.
I've caught on...got smart.
Now, I'll bring them all to their knees.
I don't want to feel.
Don't want to speak.
I just want to heal.
Rise above the weak.


I'm on the brink of the rock's face.
Below me, the fiery trenches await.
I'm falling faster than time can chase.
This is my destiny, my fate...there is no escape.
To hell with love and all it stands for.
Love is just as cheap as talk these days.
To hell with the worthless ones whom knock upon my door.
Each man is the same simplistic maze anyway.
One by one, they've taken their turns.
They beat me bloody until I couldn’t bleed anymore.
Insignificant little boys...they must learn.
The blood will seep now, from their filthy pores. 

GO

Leave me alone.
Leave my sight
...my dreams.
Leave my thoughts
...my memories.
Leave my touch
...my lips.
Leave my skin
...my hips.
Leave me alone tonight.

Get out!
Please, get out
...of my head
...my bed.

Leave me alone.
Stop haunting me
...wanting me.
Stop loving me
...hating me.
Stop looking at me
...enticing me.
Stop calling me
...deceiving me.
Leave me alone tonight.

Just go!
Please, just go
...find another
...another lover.

Leave me alone.
I don't want to fall for you
...love you.
I don't want to cry for you
...hate you.
I don't want to long for you
...crave you.
I don't want to live for you
...need you.
Leave me alone tonight.

5:53 am

Sights set.
Hearts race.
Palms sweat.
Bodies shake.
Cores tremble.
Souls soar.
Minds wander.
Curiosity strikes.
Mystery instills.

A touch.
A kiss.
A word.
A phrase.
A lover.
A fuck.
A lie.
A mask.
A face.

Time invested.
Love shared.
Disillusions spent.
Expectations unmet.
Flesh burned.
Corpses bared.
Hearts shattered.
Dreams torn.
Hopes destroyed.

All for a thrill.
For love.
For lust.
For a chance.
For romance.
To reform.
To be happy.
To lose.
To bleed.

Play the game.
Again and again.
A vicious circle.
Go round and round.
Crying out.
Dying to be loved.
Wait or search.
Either way we all play.
To find a soul mate
......someday. 

Why Am I Here?

Am I just killing time again?
Waiting for my enchanting end?
Am I talking to myself again?
Does anyone ever even listen?
Am I wasting my night again?
Why did I bother picking up the pen?
To phrase another pointless rhyme?
What shall I write about this time?
The spiteful words that slay my father?
Perhaps, the endearment of my mother?
Things gone dreadfully wrong within our society?
How we will continue to regress by way of inhumanity?
My lovesick soul that cries like a child trapped inside?
My despise for those who have cheated and lied?
The empathy I feel for tormented spirits, while it eats me alive?
The desperation of broken hearts wishing to die?
The grotesque world I see when I step outside my door?
The greed and jealously that compels humans to be dissatisfied, always craving more?
Insecurities that haunt me when I cry myself to sleep?
Realities that taunt me while I wish to dream?
The crazed images that scatter themselves in my mind?
The sanctity of my own sanity that I am dying to find?
The faith I have lost in religion, love, and mankind?
How I still search for a single creature to be purely divine?
Rant and rave about stolen individuality?
How so few still acquire creativity?
The fascination I have with the human psyche?
How I long to be an all-knowing being?
The doubts that consistently wonder about my head?
How I dread to rest in the solitude of my lonely bed?
The fear I have of remaining in the company of only myself for eternity?
...These thoughts are bound to place me into an infirmary. 

You...

You twist my realities and consume my sanity.

...get out of my head.